Understanding Shame - Restorative Practice Training

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This was a two day training with Margaret Thorsborne the Guru responsible for bringing Restorative Practice into schools.
May 2023

1. Connect before correct 

This is  self-explanatory.  A reminder that students we could label - 'attention seeking' are actually 'connection seeking'.  And a reminder to me of my 'Incredible years' course - relationship, relationship, relationship. 

2. Shame- what that means for our tamariki.

Def: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. 
Shame can present in unhelpful behaviours such as cognitive shock, bullying and violence. Looking at the compass of shame below- we can see some of the behaviours of our children reflected here.
Understanding that is this where some of our students are coming from - and may be the basis of their behaviours.                      
Our response needs to understand the difference between shame and guilt.
We will promote shame if we respond in ways that make the child feel worthless and broken. If we respond with positive messages that the child can feel guilty about a bad behaviour, but that they are not bad people, and have the capacity to 'do the right thing', and are 'good people' - this can reduce the shame.






3. Questions for facilitating restorative conversations.






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